:-(:-(:-( It all makes sense to me now... I know the 2 main reasons why I will never truly be able to forget the friendship.... and I will beable to always remember the one reason why i need to try to forget it.... Cuz I fucked up:-(:-(:-(:-\
Which.... Im sure some day I will write about one of the reasons why this is so hard... but... idk about the other one... i dont think ill ever be able to put that in writing... or ever actually say it.. especially in something where she may read it... the other one I will prob write about tongiht.. but i just woke up and dont really feel like upsetting myself... i love how dumb i can be sometimes.. like this shit is really quite obvious yet.. well it seems like it would be.. then.. ugh whatever... :-\:-\:-\
I just really wanna IM her and fix shit... really bad.. I Just erally wanna IM her and be like, can we forget about lsat friday and what i said and continue occasional IMing... but... i need to be strong.. but wht if she really never will come ot me... er. ok im done thinking about this for now..
cuz its... uh! almost wrote it.. hah. well i might as well... i just wont discuss it... of course this is rough on me... i was friends with her longer than ANYONE else... and I was probably closer with her than ANYONE else... so both those really work against me.. cuz time and memories... i coudl work with that.. but then the fact that we both told eachother things we really barely told people.... with both those deep levels of friendship happening. Ill pretty much always have a hole in my heart. but like i said, i know how and why it got ther.