Also... the fact that I made a promise to myself... that I wont be able to keep... cuz of this... er. i just.. need to lay off this for a while.. cuz seriously. this fuckin upsets me I really honestly feel like I've lost a sister.. but then it gets worse... cuz.. well for one reason i will not type, and because shes not really dead. and when i go to bball games I have to just stand there and watch my old best friend play bball... even tho for days before that to forget her i tried to tell myself she doesnt exist.
just like when i did that with Kristy.. and then I saw her in Rite-Aid.. she saw it in me too.. she was like wow you look like youve seen a ghost!... and... in my mind... i did...
idk... i just really hope I deserve all this and she cna justify with herself a reason why she should IM me up and laugh at my pain... and a justifyable reason as to why.. even after what she put me thru... we cant be friends again... and also... i hope she really honestly konws why she hates me right now... is it what i did, the people it invloved or what... cuz i hope someday i really do get to hear why all this happened. but until thne, ill be off doing my own thing! :-\:-\
boy would it fuckin suck if she was waiting for me to come back:-(:-(