Yah, heard it already.

Why does everyone give me the same afvice. Im not fuckin walking away. It's not gonna happen. Until I get told by her to walk away. Im not. although she probably will soon cuz she probably thinks Im trying to piss her off when im not. I wanted to see Amero. He's trying to help me with some things.. and I saw the girls had practice.. so i went up.. and im not gonna do what he suggested... since the only way i could probably figure it out would be to go to brit's mom. because.. I know brit's mom plays bball on sundays and I'd ask her if I cuold play.. or if she knew where i could play. but keyword. Brit's Mom. So I will instead prob trying working out with my uncle.. he actually plays bball on sundays also. so maybe he knows a league i could play with or something... idk. I just need to get back into sports. Amero even mentioned it. How I was always happiest during cross-country... and that probably doing a sport would really help out.... i just.. i can't even write right now. like. I know I pissed her off. But I honestly dont even completely know what shes mad at me for. What shes still mad about. I dont know what her intentions are with me. Are we becoming friends agains? Or is she just enjoying watching me call myself an ass. I've fuckin paid for what I KNOW I've done. Why the fuck won't she just talk to me about this shit. I should have stuck with my original rule. but I want to be friends with her again. I do. I'll admit it. I want to fuckin hang out. I wanted to talk to her today as she avoided me. but obviously Im still not liked by her. Which... IDK what to write anymore. Im just... stuck.  I wish.. she'd make this easy.. I know I dont deserve it.. but I just wish she'd talk to me. Tell me what I did. and what she's doing with me. Why randomly IM me.. and barely talk. Show NO emotion in the IMs? Cuz.. yah.. it kinda upsets me. It hurts to see what has happened to us. And IDK. I just dont know. I can't do anything unless she talks to me. Cuz, I can't continue the IMs and not know where they are going... cuz.. it hurts. and if thats all her plan is, is to hurt me. She's done it. She's been IMing me since November and upsetting me. I say we are fuckin even and it's time to make a decision. Friendship or no. I get she doesnt wanna talk to me, IN person.. so its hard to be friends. But she should at least fuckin let me know.  Im fighting for this friendship cuz I let the other ones go. I let the other people go. I dont wanna do this with this friendship. I wanna fight for it. But, its hard to since I dont really know what Im fighting for.. will the fight be worth it, or a lost cause.... I guess if it's a lost cause, it will still be worth it. Knowing I gave it all I had.. and yet again... ok. I gotta.. idk.. hah. not write anymore.