OK breaking away from topic

So.. Monday is that evil day... and... im not quite sure yet... what will be happening that day. I was gonna see if some people wanted to go to the tree with me.. but IDK who... well I was actually gonna offer a ride to people who didnt have one.. and wanted to go eitehr to the cemetery or the tree. Cuz I know I wouldnt really feel like asking my parents to drive me there. My mom wouldnt have understood. So i think i will ask around and see who can't get there that day... Liberate played today... while i was on my way home from work.. and it was weird.. cuz i had pretty much just gotten into my car. left cumbys and i was JUST turning onto 202 to come home.. and i was flipping thru the channels.. CYY had a song i didnt like so i kept going.. then i happened to flip back thru CYY and it was the commercial so i was like OH maybe a good song will play.... Liberate came on.... adn i was happy and sad at the same moment. hah. It was weird... cuz that was the song we were listening too that night... a lot. it was one of his fave songs... i think he liked it just because it said mother fucker thru the whole thing, hahaha. idk.. i still kidna feel like i could take partial blame. like.. if we hadnt been cruising around... it wouldnt have gotten them wanting to ride too.. ugh.. mother is home... uumm.. but ya.. cuz they didnt wanna stop driving around when i decided to stop... which is probably why they went out again.. to have more driving tiem... perhaps if i had just gone back with then said they were done... they would have called it a night. and i know its REALLY dumb to say and its like forever ago.  but... honestly. i wish people would just agree with me on that. i coudl have enticed them... perhaps to go out driving again.. and i took them over by the cemetery on.. well cemetery road cuz of the cool jump you can hit.. so i wonder if they went over that and were gonna loopa round.. like what if they wer.. ok.. yah now im being kinda dumb. but honestly.. idk what id do if i found out Ally and Keith just wanted more time together, and to hit the jump I showed them.. granted they could have gone the other way on ridge road..  but still.. idk. I feel like I had an oppurtunity to save someone, and i just made ti worse. I guess thats why i take all this shit so hard.. cuz i try to help others.. and now i feel like I could have helped Keith die. and I obviously hurt brit a lot... to try to bring this journal backto its topic. ha... now to stray again..ugh.. school wed. Im afraid.. hah. This is gonna be SO weird.. being home.. and going to school..  hopefully I'll get brits presents today or monday... ah shit.. monday is a holiday. ah and fairchild told me today that they have a home game tues. and i close tues... i think im gonna tyr to get someone to switch.. even tho.. thats what i offered to him. actually i think i asked for a morning shift.. fuckin buddy. ha. hes a nice manager but a cruel schedule maker! um. but yah i really wanted to go. and then perhaps I could just give the presents to hre sisters or something for her. Ill go and see where they are possibly... i think i can track that package. Im glad I chose standard shipping and not friggin free shipping. that would have taken to long for the purpose of the present. oh and i need to buy a card. well, Damn.. its in Mass... so it prob wont be here Tues. friggin A. er. hah. oh well ill leave it in her mailbox. I kinda wish I could see her face when she opens it tho... which is why i would to it at a bball hoping she may open it at the end. hhm. that sucks... er. I forgot monday was a holiday. damn. uum.... yah i gotta get a card tonight. im going into rite aid from 10ish-3ish. yup, tonight.. as in pm to am. cuz they are waxing the floors ro something.. and Amanda doesnt wanna be in there alone.. and i dont get paid.. but.. and i actually never said yes.. is the sad part. she just asked buddy if i could, and since he said yes.. i guess she felt i would. hah. and she said we could prob go otu and smoke... i dont want too. I dont want to smoke anymore. and im sick of her tellnig me im being dumb. i love how she says Ems a bad friend for telling me smoking is dumb.. and she does the same thing, but gets me to fuckin do it.. which is worse. But.. its ok cuz soon i will have another job.. and then i can not see her as much.. and i wont be around it AT ALL. cuz i mean there are times they arent assholes and dotn make me smoke.. but i still smell like it cuz i go over and they smoke and watch movie.. and i just sit there and get eaten by their dog.. hah. so. but... idk im afraid now of what will happen. I dont drink, smoke, or cut. Will I get a new bad habit during this stressful time.. or will i actually manage without one? hhmm.. i feel rather dumb for writing this entry. its not supposed to be in here, but once again. Oh well. its not really anything brit can't know.. or doesnt already know. i think.. hah. ok well i really need a friggin nap.. since Ive barely had 8 hours of sleep the last 2 nights combined... yah, Im looking REAAALLLLYYY pretty right now, sporting the black under the eyes, and just the eyes half closed anyways. my 4 hour shift DDDDRRRAAGGGGGGGEEEEDDDD today :( Nap time. hah. that way mother can't bother me :)