hah, everytime she IMs me I hate myself... cuz instead of 24/7 IMing and hanging out.. i get occasional IMing.. that I usually miss... and... idk.. i just miss the old days... cuz there are only a few friendships I miss.. i wish i could just like.. trade friends... hah. cuz right now I see myself thinking the right way.. but going downt he wrong path...
Like Amanda... who.. after I tell her i have asthma now.. tells me "its ok my cousin smokes ALL time and she has asthma..." thats a great friend.. hah. or the fact that i feel like Im dating her.. cuz she ignores me if i talk to other friends.. like lil amanda. like wtf... I mean I do care about her... cuz i dont like how she treats me... but shes also a co worker.. so i cant just like be like FUCK off.. cuz shed make my life a living hell... but im hoping..  once i get out of this slump of only sleep and work.. hah. that i can change.. Today.. while I was watching a movie.. well like 20min ago, hahah I thought up goals that I'd like to achieve.. now I've realized... that having one true best friend.. the one you'd die for and they feel the same way about you... well.. I kinda thought I had that... but.. ya know what.. i know the chances of that are slim... so i just need to try to fix my life.. asap.. and i have goals. (!! Ok... so... i just thought of something.. Brit is gone playing.. womens bball... my uncle(s) play (used to) every sunday night also.... i wonder if her mom and my uncle go to the same gathering... weird) anwayys... ok so... Work wise.. I think im gonna start lookign for a different job.. hopefully one a little more professional, and that pays better.. something that might help me get into my actual career im going to school for... only problem.. i wanna help out with CC next year... so i need to make sure that if i do get another job.. perhaps i can still help out CC next year... and i would have asked if i could help with bball.. or drop in or like.. just be around cuz i really wanted to use the "exercise room" and i was gonna ask amero if i could come in and do stuff while he had practice but.. once again.. dont wanna upset brit.. at all so. its cool we have an elliptical anyways.. and im not ready to go work out in public.. hah. so wait.. my goals
*Fix Friendships
I want to try to fix up these.... Em and Ash.. is prett much fixed... Brit.. id love to fix that, especially now that Im in maine for good, we coudl have some fun times. Megan is lots of fun i wanna hang outw ith her. Lil Amanda also woudl be a blast to see OUTSIDE of work.. oh.. and Skylar ;) tee hee... yah enough said. that boy... i bet .. ok ya. ill stop. hahaha. um.. yah
Id like to end some friendships too... like amanda... perhaps if shawn pays me my money i will still hang out with him... pj... hes.. being sketchy...
*New Job
I want a better paying job!! ASAP!
*Better Body
Ok.. so i realized I just listed like.. the top changes in anyones life probably.. new social life, new job, new look. hahaha well, IM GONNA PULL IT OFF.
As far as the friendships go.. it can be done.. well.. brit is still a little shaky.. but lil amanda and i will prob hang out this week... and pj im avoiding.. and i will be in school soon so amanda and i cant hang otu 24/7
Which will be good since i dont wanna smoke weed anymore either!! the only time i really smoke is with amanda.. and its pretty much because.. her and eric are like, come on.... and honestly.. when their dog attacks me, i dont feel it as much.. but im only hanging out with them like once a week now.. so.. thats really not that much AT ALL. and if i didnt smoke at least once.. id be punching and cutting like a mofo probably! i always need some sort of bad habit.. and irght now.. with al lthe shit im shifting.. i need that..
I need to get my room looking good, then get the downstairs into a nice hang out..i gotta go buy some clothes... gotta get some more of my spray!!! its out :( Im no longer "cool" but trust me when i get my pay check this thurs... i will be online in a second ordering that shit. cuz it smells sooooo good. hah, i fall in love with myself :P idk i just cant wait, i have tomrorow and tues off!!! so i will haul ass on my room, perhaps go shopping.. except that i have no gas money. fuck. umm.. well i will do a lot of work at home then.. but i better go shower!! :O its almost 1 and i need to leave her in like 30min... and im still in my pjs.. awesome.. hahah well, im glad im having a motivated day :) I hope it lasts.. and i think it will :) I can't wait to get back into shape.. and RUNNING!! Ugh... ill be able to stop smoking once im running again..and ill start doing road races :) ok now im getting excited.. but i must stop.. and go shower.. and TRY to find something to wear to work today... which.. i know will be impossible since ALL my work clothes are dirty!!

oh yah.... and .. im trying to read the bible... hah.

Alright well.... i will write probably when i get home tonight... :) more about the changes.. cuz i need to rethink certain changes.. like.. not taking supplements... thats bad.. well they'd be legal.. but i can do it on my own.. i dont need diet pills or friggin bars for energy...

....Jan. 16th is coming up.....