WTF... as every minute of everyday goes by.. I realize more and more about my life... and usually.. its shit i dont wanna realize.. cuz i know i have to change it. and theres one thing ive realized.. that should be written in this journal. but i can't write it. cuz i get so angry at myself for all the things i've fucked up... and i wanna make myself pay.. but i dont know how.. i really dont cut anymore at all.. but i dotn know what to do to myself.. i can barely type these entries cuz my pinky knuckle turns red within 10min... the only way i wont have to pay are if things are fixed.. but certain things can't be fixed. its not in my power... so.. im once again stuck in a cycle.. that i can't control.. it controls me...