Dug thru more boxes and found more pics. OK.. I guess my maine issue as to why I always fucked things up.. was I probably never REALLY realized how much certain people meant to me. and I never really thought thru certain things with those people... and I pulled out my little steal box, and sure enough, the people that mean the most to me, had many things to remember them by in there... there was the journal entry from Krsity when our friendship ended... hah. about the chest I made her for her journals.. i wonder if she still has it... hah. there was brit's soccer pic that still had the putty from having it hung up in my car.. i remember that... i think im gonn ahave to stop looking thru old stuff. Cuz i really just end up hating myself more. cuz i know the shit with brit is all my fault right now
and the more i look thru old shit, the more i really realized I should have known all along how much she meant to me.
the 2 other friendships that showed up a lot.. were completely different... Kristy.. well thats hah.. idk.. and Chels... once she kinda noticed she could do anything cuz she had a good personality and looks... she was sucked into the popularity contest... idk. I guess now that i see all this stuff it makes me wanna change even more. cuz... reading old IMs finding the old pics in my "ALWAYS CHERISH" box..:-\ i kinda cried.. hah. i wont lie.. but now i need to get back to cleaning... i clean well when im angry i bet my room will be looking good soon... i might have to shower first tho... to cool off...
cuz im like purple with anger and kinda still crying a lil bit. like wtf was my problem. the more i realize things, the more speechless i get... and idk if thats good or bad...