So long farewell

So im sitting in the upstairs of amys house.. in mount vernon.. you and amy are downstairs.. i said i was going to bed yet im up typing in this rite now.. i feel as tho i may not sleep unless i write in here.. theres so fuckin muchon my mind.. yet like.. i dont really mean you.. i cant think about you.. your fuckin going to arizona forever.. in a week.. for.. forever.. you said you werent coming back next summer when you read the card that i put in the flowers i brought you and amy... I hate this right now.. i dunno what im more upset over.. cuz its weird.. i really feel like i dont wanna date youa gain.. but then again if you started something i dobut i would be able to say no.. so im glad your strong and im strong! no one would ever make the first move.. but i believe that you are independent of me.. i dunno why you came back in february.. but im very glad that you did czu my life wouldn't be the same wihtout you... oh wait we will soon find out what my life will be like without you.... why are you going to arizona... now after watching all the fairy tale movies.. if it was my fairy tale movie... i guess itd be that your going out to my dream state and your waiting for me... but pppsshhhh theres not such thing as waiting in the real world.. waiting is for fuckin weak people.. its not existent... its what weak people say when theyve given up on hope.. on life.. on L<3VE. So Im not waiting.. ill admit that nothing compares... well wait i take that back.. nothing i've come across that i can have.. there is nothing that is capable on this earth that i have... hhmmm
Theres nothing right now that i can have.. or perhaps no one/?// i can have right now that comes even close to comparing to you... yet.. theres melissa... good ol melissa.. who fuckin got me from day one.... i didnt even know who she was the day she walked into the diner... ha but YIKES. then the blue tape... ha... the fair!! :) mother fucking bethel... I must say if i ever had to regret a day.. like when you take those myspace quizzes... I almost wanna put in the day you came to bethel... I wish i would have stopped you from leaving.. ha wowzers.. i dont think we were like.. outish with eachother then.. if you get what im saying.. like she knew about me but we werent openly bajiggity.. but i fuckin wanted to be...
..... she made 3:12 just a number today... I was on my way there.. so fuckin psyched to see her.. and i looked at the clock.. it was 312.. I just immediately began to try to calculate when id show up and what i had to do, like redeodorize, eye liner, toke, spray, hahah etc.... and i realized at 314 that I didnt even register the 12... Melissa really is not an option in anyway... but she is the next closest to compare to brit.. and i believe she could pass her someday without that bajiggity.. we have barely known eachother a year.. and look!? wow not even well ya about a year.. and its not about passing brit anyways, its about being happy, and stupidly enough the one that causes me the most pain bring me the most ..pleasure? as well.. haha but melissa is very close... i dunno why yet again.. but she fuckin gets to me HARDCORE.. on so many levels.. shes a crazy chick tho.. i dunno if i could deal with that.. although i feel like maybe shes a lot of talk.. well until she showed me that zuchinni today... wwhhhhhhaaatttt aaaahhhhhh. hahahahaha. anyways i thnk its about time i went to bed.. you move to arizona a week from now.. like a week from now i will have seeen you for the last time in a long time... im glad i got to see you agani afer last thursday tho... i just kinda wish we could resolve things before you go... i hate all the questions.. i just wanna hear it all from you... what we aer.. well we aren't anything .. but still.. i wanna hear everything from you... or maybe i just want you to move away and never text again... ha I love you.

Looks like its time for ou to go to bed too.. lights off.. ha nitey nite.

aoljpictureUpload, aoljpictureUpload_1

Burning at both ends?

woooooooooooowwwwwwwwww. I just typed out the longest fuckin rant ever and it fuckin deleted.. what the fuck does that mean.. all the shit above is the same.. but this shit didnt save.. now im angry.. ha. whatever fuck this shit.. i got cleaning to do.

Quoted from the move the mexican.... "when two people love eachother, but can't seem to ever get it

Quoted from the move the mexican.... "when two people love eachother, but can't seem to ever get it together. At what point is enough enough???"

.....never...

I feel it breakin again.. are u havin fun upstairs.. ha.