I cant do this fuckin shit anymore...

I cant ever be what you want...
i have for years.. .tried to be what you want.. but i never get it right.. and i never will.. that is ... always gonan kill me
i feel like yoru slowly slipping away... cuz theres something thats just there... buliding.. i swear i can feel it.. and it scares me so much..

i feel l ike yoru trying to pick a fight with me this morning
but i wont fuckin allow it
i dont want this going like every other time... my relationships dont last.. whic hi didnt think about before this one cuz i wasnt thinking.. which is why i like to think.. plus how about teh fact that i dont even have myself figured out yet... im in way to deep so i guess ill just stand back and see where this shit takes me

M A Hall 7: and i prob should not talk about it cuz its really nothing

Its the nothing thats haunted me all the years Ive known you and it always will. So there is no point in dicussing it. Ill always have my fear.. and idk why those things today made me think of you first with all the other possibilities.. but.. with this new turn in things.. idk if it helps or hurts my fear...
i shoudl just not worry about anything.... but i feel like the minute one states "hey, im pretty happy" ... shit will happen. whether its to them or their loved ones... idk.. im just weird.. I can survive without the things i control... but the things i cant control.. im too afraid to lose.. which.. makes me stuck. or just super paranoid.. and im not even high!! its probably this end of the period emotional stage.. and they freaky shit today
maybe if i wasnt thinking about what i was... when it all happened... idk.. i believe in signs.. and that was a sign..

what to do what to do.. i kinda feel like... theres something building.. theres so much left unsaid.. we are living in a fantasy world. and i have a feeling reality will hit soon.. and if we dont deal with it... therell be an issue. anyway it goes.. i see this relationship doomed for disaster.. so i hope im ready... bring it on.. hah.