one thing i do wanna add.. like about the sign stuff... is that Im a very strong believer in signs.. which is why... they effect me so much.. like of all the peopel to see the most.. why would i see the "ending friendship" person everywhere... cuz maybe even tho we arent together in anyway right now... maybe.. it proves.. .one day.. we will be friends again.. and for now.. our car passings will do :P IDK... idk how to explain it.. except that.. if we werent supposed to be in eachothers lives.. we wouldnt be.. at all. and granted driving thru town in cars doesnt count.. and she prob barely ever sees me... but.. idk even online.. like ill come back from being gone ALL day.. like ALL day.. either working all day or i went out for no expect amount of time.. and when i come back from away...  sometimes she will also or she'll sign on.. which i felt like sometimes a while ago.. i kinda felt like she wouldnt be online when i was.. and that bothered me.. so id stay away and talk to epople.. so i deleted her sns... just so i wouldnt see her and feel bad. cuz thats being paranoid. hah. I kept them on my other sn so i could IM her if i wanted. and then i remembered... to just minimize a group shes in :P but whatev, im not doing that shit anymore either. idk.. it just seemed so weird that.. even when we werent friends.. we couldnt get away from eachother.. even if we tried. someitmes i'd be out running.. cuz she upset me.. and whod fuckin drive by!?! like that nice joke about me never leaving the highschool.. i went for a 5 mile run in the dark.. that upset me so much. which.. i couldnt run 5 mlies anwyays... and it was dark.. i lamost got hi like 4 times and i jumped a deer... but. after... all i could think was.. this doesnt even compare to what i put her thru, so deal.. and I did. god i was so weird... even just a couple months ago. but i've had some help now, and... im doing good, getting whree i need too! and i said i was done with all of this.. and look my comment is as long as my entry... haha. not even close.. but.. i just thougth of that too.. like theres just so much weirdness.. and only time will tell if the signs where right.. or not.. and no matter what happens, I'll be happy. cuz its her choice, and i know she'll choose what makes her feel better. whether she can and can not give me another chance. but Im finally cool with whatever, and survivng! I just... I must say i never honestly knew there'd be such a huge void in my life!! Which, Im not gonnafill... it'll stay reserved or empty forever. :) omg.. im too perky now.. my hair came out well, haha. but. yah.. anyways... i shoudl read thru these before i post.. i be tthey make no sense. i pretty much write what i think.. so.. it jumps and skips.. and its prob some stuff that'd be better left unsiad.. but.. that why this is a journal!!