So.. I dont have too much toime to write this.. and i have no backspace button.. so there will rpob be a lot of werrors... i will probably have to finsih this later... but... I was driving home today from VT. Well from NH, and riding.. hah... and... i seriously had af fuckin breakthru... and it kidna made me laugh because... the reason i knew it was a real breakthru.. is cuz i felt almost like having a breakdown... it was bad. I was in the car... with my motehr driving.. and we went by the telstar school... and I was remembering the school... Angela beating me in XC for the first time... The other year when we ran there and a girl like.. BROKE her ankle on one of hte weird hills. And of course, since its in this journal.... brits softball game. started thinking about the whole situation again... and it was weird.. driving by the school... it almost... like.. broke down a dam.. holding back tons of memories. this wasnt a bad thing.. it helped me realize something... I FINALLY GET THE SITUATION I HAD WITH HER.. from my perspective... I finally understand intentions, thoughts, feelings, actions. and I know i did cuz everything makes sense.. everything i've done. EVERYTHING. another thing i ***OK wtf.. i have to pause this... its so weird, i almost IMed Kristy last week.. or who knows maybe I did.. but.. she IMed me tonight... and I must say.. even though it might not amount to a friendship again.. it honestly.. made my year so far, haha. Oh i had to type this cuz i just turned on my music and Movies by AAF was playing.. which is totally a Kristy memory song. not directly, but when i turned it on i thought of the IM so.. I NEEDED to write about it. but. i need to shift the crowd Im in.. cuz its hard to stop smoking pot if i hang out with potheads... but.. in my breakdown stage this fall/winter... i burned some bridges.. which Im hoping to rebuild. and get myself back on the right track. I knew it was a good idea to put Kristy on "the shelf". (SHelf above my bed, has all the people who have changed my life up on it... like i have a pic of nate and i.. then tons of stuff around it, like our prom tags, cards he's given me. then Kristy, and some small things she gave me, then chels j. then keith... hten Em and Ash.. in the middle :) then B, then Brit, then... Amanda. oh yah, anyways...
So.. the car ride. yah, i had to try to roll over in my seat so my mom couldnt see the few tears I shed. I need to go right now.. but i will write all the realizations when i get home.. cuz... Iwant it in here to look back on... but i dont have time ot writ ethat now, and i dont wanna start it. plus.. im still kinda piecing it together. its, just.. friggin awesome. i love this whole, "getting heatlhy" shit!! its awesome. i feel good. :) Although in my realization it made me wanna call her up and be like, lets do something we've had a fun 4 years... then oops, reality. Im still an asshole..
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